My graduation speech (so far)

To my fellow graduates, their families, teachers, and friends:

I am standing before you today, like so many others, a proud member of Midland High School's graduating class of 2010. We never thought this day would come.

When I learned that I was to deliver this speech to all of you, my stomach did so many somersaults it almost made it to the Olympics. And I'm a (former) gymnast, so I do know what I'm talking about there. What do people want to hear? What do I know that could possibly be of any use to my fellow seniors, should I impart it unto them?

We came here four years ago with the same mindset that we left the eighth grade yet - we are young and invincible and nothing is finite. If a grenade falls on your head Wiley coyote-style, you can peel yourself up off the ground and keep walking like nothing has happened.

We leave here today with the knowledge that nothing is infinite. Rather the opposite - things are finite to within such a small amount of time that in a split second, your life can change drastically, and maybe even forever. I haven't been around for long enough to know about the forever part, but I'll get back to you in 80 years or so.

I won't tell you that that's why you should live your life to the fullest, because you've heard that so many times it probably makes you nauseous. I will tell you that because so much is finite, and because everything can change in a second, that our greatest glory comes not from never falling, but from rising each time we fall.

If I had the privileged of time travel, there are things in my past, as in everybody's, that I would love the opportunity to undo, or to have undone unto me. I would change the past, but I would not change the person I have become. But are they really separate entities? Or are they so critically connected that in changing one split second of the past, the future would change forever?

I've pondered this often this year, and this is what I've come up with: we weave a tangled web, and connections are so intricate and complex that maybe they shouldn't be messed with. If changing the past means also changing the future, possibly even dramatically, then maybe that's the reason I, like all of you (I'm guessing) don't have the option of time travel. And maybe, for ethical reasons, we never should. Because maybe happily ever after isn't really something we should focus on as much as happy right now. Which, today, I believe we all are.

Congratulations everyone.

>That's all I have so far. I really like the part about the happy ending - maybe someday I should be so lucky as to get one of my own. Cheers.

Where'd you go? I miss you so

Senior moments of the day so far:

1.) I was told today that I have the privilege (?!?!) of writing the graduation speech for my class. WTF *%&#&$?!?!? Every once in awhile there are those curveballs that you don’t see coming but they somehow hit you right between the eyes? Yeah, that was me. I think I stood there with my mouth open until the chic next to me had to physically shut it. Whoops. Fail. So now I’m here asking you readers, whoever you may be: I need suggestions (or someone to write the whole thing out for me) – I’ll take either. Help!

2.) Sent in my deposit today for Washington University at St. Louis. Class of 2014 here I come!

People who live in glass houses....

Sooooo this whole blogging thing is getting old, and I'm pretty sure that anyone who is spending time reading about the life of an 18 year-old girl is (a) a pedophile, or (b) has zero life or (c) a combination of the above. But people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, and I'm actually bored by my own life, so here goes yet another pointless post.

I got my graduation cap and gown today and no lie, it makes me look like Hermoine from Harry Potter, for those (few) of you who are unfamiliar with popular culture (stop blogging and go watch tv, fools). I love the idea of being draped in black polyester in the sun sweating to death in the white dress that I'm supposed to be wearing. Who came up with the idea of white for graduations anyway? Same with weddings - I mean, who do these brides think they're fooling?? And even if they are, you know after their wedding night they'll never be able to get away with white again. Haha - I crack myself up.

Mom made me go visit my sister today - I still can't stand going. We brought flowers (Mom goes every week and brings roses - I want to tell her that Katherine liked lilacs better, but I think that there's absolutely nothing I would gain by doing that - do you?) I hate that my stomach still reels every time I go, but I'm not sure that's something that will ever change - I've just learned never to eat before I go. Silver lining - so rare.


The beginning of the end

Hot chocolate. Colbie Caillat. Snow falling gently, blanketing the ground in april.

Wait - WHAT??

That's right, folks. It's the end of April and it looks like Christmas outside right now. Fluffy white snow is blanketing the ground, and I feel like I should probably be hanging Christmas lights right now instead of staring wistfully at the new skirt my mom and I picked out the other day that I'm supposed to wear for senior breakfast next month. Which leaves me with sort of a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. I've never been big on endings, and even though I'm looking forward to college and all, I feel a little strange with the idea of leaving this all behind.

I understand that college isn't as big a change as it's sometimes made out to be. Everyone comes back home soon enough, and whatever friendships stick will stick, and whatever doesn't just wasn't really meant to be anyway. But I wonder at myself a little bit right now. Do I really like it here so much, or do I just like it more now that I know I'm leaving soon? And I also wonder (with the benefit of hindsight being 20/20 and all) who I would be today and how I would be different without a past so full of random trials that I sometimes wonder if there's a hex on me (ok, that's overly dramatic but you get the point). I wish there was an alternate dimension where I could see who I would be with a different past, and then choose which life want. How cool would that be?

The snow puts me in a pensive mood I guess. I'll try for something lighter next time.

epic (in every sense of the word)

Today I'm sorry to report that I have (almost) no news on the Lauren front. I fully intended to have at least something, but right about now, all anyone has is incriminating photos of me from last night. It's almost like a bad version of "texts from last night", but maybe that's an overstatement and I'm just being paranoid.

Last night, I managed the tried-and-true-climb-out-the-window-while-your-parents-are-sleeping trick and went to pick up a friend so we could hit up Carter's party. His parents went out of town for the weekend (I mean, they practically asked for it - no one's parents leave them unattended from ages 15-whenever they move out without knowing what will go down if they do). He went all-out balls-to-the-wall on this one: his parents are loaded so they have an indoor pool and hot tub in the basement already, but this one was complete with an ice luge, 2 kegs, and a band (I guess his older brother helped out on this one). It was one hot mess. Let me just say that 6 shots of vodka and Bombay sapphire might look really cool in an ice luge, but they don't look quite as cool later on. Get the picture?

I also somehow managed to wake up soaking wet in Carter's bed at 4 a.m. - whoops. I vaguely remember playing an epic game of civil war and then dancing, and I'm guessing I either fell in the pool, got thrown in the pool, or took a bath in the melted ice luge. Either way, I'll be working to get the gin smell out of my hair for a week. Coach will love it. I almost care.


best of what's around

It's mid-afternoon on a Sunday and I'm sitting at my computer pretending to start my homework. I have a cup of tea and I'm listening to Dave Matthew's "Best of..." album on repeat (hence the title of this blog), and I'm just thinking. Graduation is coming up in less than two months, and, though I don't think I'll miss my school and I'm looking forward to the next four years of my life (U. Michigan 2014 baby, yeah!), I feel like so much has happened to me that it merits at least a little reflection. So as follows are 5 things that I learned in high school. Someday when I get close to graduating from college, I plan on looking back on these things and seeing if they still hold true. It's an odd project per-say, but one that I think could be cool (assuming I remember this blog in 4 years). Here goes:

1.) Someday you will be the one that has to look in the mirror and be able to live with yourself. Bear that in mind when you want to treat someone badly, even if you know they deserve it.
2.) Running away from problems may not solve them, and it isn't easier than facing them, but sometimes it's just how you do things.
3.) It's ok to miss people.
4.) If everyone in the world threw their problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, they would grab their own right back
5.) pools and booze don't mix (but they're so much fun) - fun fact from this past summer.

I'll come up with some better, less shallow ones soon.

My life as an informed person

So it's 11 o'clock and I'm sitting in Lauren's room at the hospital pretending to be the super friend that I am and waiting for the night sitter to come in so I can go home. Yeah - she has a sitter because she has this awesome tendency to try to escape from her bed - predictable, right? She's still pretty hopped up on morphine (or something), so she keeps trying to tell me stories and keeps getting them ridiculously messed up, or so I think. Who knows - maybe she really did hook up with Carter in the bathroom in the library basement at school. I mean, who's judging, right.

As I'm sitting here, I'm having a revelation. I've found a way to get bogged down in all of this stuff with Lauren and Carter and gymnastics and how things are the old here-today-gone-tomorrow cliche that I realize that I don't pay any attention to my surroundings. For instance - I'm watching the news right now (sound off because I'm not dealing with Houdini again) and I had no idea that there was a mine explosion in West Virginia and that people died. The only reason I know now is because CNN happened to be on. So I'm making a pact to become a more informed person with a broader world view. Stay tuned. (Or don't. I don't really care).

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At the dark end of this bar What a beautiful wreck you are