Last night, I spent an undisclosed amount of time watching MTV's Buried Life where these 2 guys crashed a wedding. Real, Owen Wilson, invitations-are-for-pussies style crashed a wedding. It made my think about what I would love to do if there weren't huge barriers (gymnastics, money, school) in the way. Here's what I have so far:

1.) Travel to some really obscure places with a ton of history (the entire Middle East comes to mind right now)
2.) Drive/bike/run across the United States (find some way to see this place)
3.) Find a way to not feel guilty about, or afraid of wanting to quit a sport I love and hate which defines me and constrains me to no end.
4.) Not disappoint my parents.
5.) See the Taj Mahal. I told everyone I had because my brother got married in India to a Sikh woman who he met in college. He really got married in a Unitarian Church to a girl from Maine. I even downloaded pictures of places I "saw" while I was in India and showed them off at school. I have mastered the art of bullshitting.
6.) Learn to dance. Like, really. Not in a drunken stupor.
7.) Stop being so scared. Of everything: people, the future, car crashes, not getting a job, people disappearing, committment, boys. But I sometimes wonder if fear is what keeps people on their game. I think I'll come back to this one when I have more answers.
8.) Run a marathon
9.) Ride a horse in Yosemite National Park. It just seems cool.
10.) Leave nothin less than something that says "I was here"

4:56 PM. I'm sitting on the floor outside the gym waiting for everyone to get it together and get back to practice for another hour and a half. Spent the last hour trying to master a standing back tuck, which basically involves no hands-on-the-ground and is massacring my back - probably because I can't land it worth a crap. Regionals are in a few weeks, so hopefully I will get this down or break something before then that won't let me compete. Preferably the latter. Ask me if it's necessary that I can do this back tuck. Not at all - I'm already ranked number one on the floor (and the bars. and the vault). Ask me if I'm doing it so that Lauren no longer has any doubt about which of us is the better gymnast. I plead the 5th. And she never should have to begin with.

I'm playing this move and this routine and this sport up because I know I should let her have it because she cares more. I wonder why I feel the need to take it away from her - I mean, we're friends, so I should be happy to let her have the glory. But I won't because degree-of-difficulty 9.8 is what makes me, well, me. Without it, I'm not sure what people see.