The beginning of the end

Hot chocolate. Colbie Caillat. Snow falling gently, blanketing the ground in april.

Wait - WHAT??

That's right, folks. It's the end of April and it looks like Christmas outside right now. Fluffy white snow is blanketing the ground, and I feel like I should probably be hanging Christmas lights right now instead of staring wistfully at the new skirt my mom and I picked out the other day that I'm supposed to wear for senior breakfast next month. Which leaves me with sort of a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. I've never been big on endings, and even though I'm looking forward to college and all, I feel a little strange with the idea of leaving this all behind.

I understand that college isn't as big a change as it's sometimes made out to be. Everyone comes back home soon enough, and whatever friendships stick will stick, and whatever doesn't just wasn't really meant to be anyway. But I wonder at myself a little bit right now. Do I really like it here so much, or do I just like it more now that I know I'm leaving soon? And I also wonder (with the benefit of hindsight being 20/20 and all) who I would be today and how I would be different without a past so full of random trials that I sometimes wonder if there's a hex on me (ok, that's overly dramatic but you get the point). I wish there was an alternate dimension where I could see who I would be with a different past, and then choose which life want. How cool would that be?

The snow puts me in a pensive mood I guess. I'll try for something lighter next time.

epic (in every sense of the word)

Today I'm sorry to report that I have (almost) no news on the Lauren front. I fully intended to have at least something, but right about now, all anyone has is incriminating photos of me from last night. It's almost like a bad version of "texts from last night", but maybe that's an overstatement and I'm just being paranoid.

Last night, I managed the tried-and-true-climb-out-the-window-while-your-parents-are-sleeping trick and went to pick up a friend so we could hit up Carter's party. His parents went out of town for the weekend (I mean, they practically asked for it - no one's parents leave them unattended from ages 15-whenever they move out without knowing what will go down if they do). He went all-out balls-to-the-wall on this one: his parents are loaded so they have an indoor pool and hot tub in the basement already, but this one was complete with an ice luge, 2 kegs, and a band (I guess his older brother helped out on this one). It was one hot mess. Let me just say that 6 shots of vodka and Bombay sapphire might look really cool in an ice luge, but they don't look quite as cool later on. Get the picture?

I also somehow managed to wake up soaking wet in Carter's bed at 4 a.m. - whoops. I vaguely remember playing an epic game of civil war and then dancing, and I'm guessing I either fell in the pool, got thrown in the pool, or took a bath in the melted ice luge. Either way, I'll be working to get the gin smell out of my hair for a week. Coach will love it. I almost care.

Later.

best of what's around

It's mid-afternoon on a Sunday and I'm sitting at my computer pretending to start my homework. I have a cup of tea and I'm listening to Dave Matthew's "Best of..." album on repeat (hence the title of this blog), and I'm just thinking. Graduation is coming up in less than two months, and, though I don't think I'll miss my school and I'm looking forward to the next four years of my life (U. Michigan 2014 baby, yeah!), I feel like so much has happened to me that it merits at least a little reflection. So as follows are 5 things that I learned in high school. Someday when I get close to graduating from college, I plan on looking back on these things and seeing if they still hold true. It's an odd project per-say, but one that I think could be cool (assuming I remember this blog in 4 years). Here goes:

1.) Someday you will be the one that has to look in the mirror and be able to live with yourself. Bear that in mind when you want to treat someone badly, even if you know they deserve it.
2.) Running away from problems may not solve them, and it isn't easier than facing them, but sometimes it's just how you do things.
3.) It's ok to miss people.
4.) If everyone in the world threw their problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, they would grab their own right back
5.) pools and booze don't mix (but they're so much fun) - fun fact from this past summer.

I'll come up with some better, less shallow ones soon.

My life as an informed person

So it's 11 o'clock and I'm sitting in Lauren's room at the hospital pretending to be the super friend that I am and waiting for the night sitter to come in so I can go home. Yeah - she has a sitter because she has this awesome tendency to try to escape from her bed - predictable, right? She's still pretty hopped up on morphine (or something), so she keeps trying to tell me stories and keeps getting them ridiculously messed up, or so I think. Who knows - maybe she really did hook up with Carter in the bathroom in the library basement at school. I mean, who's judging, right.

As I'm sitting here, I'm having a revelation. I've found a way to get bogged down in all of this stuff with Lauren and Carter and gymnastics and how things are the old here-today-gone-tomorrow cliche that I realize that I don't pay any attention to my surroundings. For instance - I'm watching the news right now (sound off because I'm not dealing with Houdini again) and I had no idea that there was a mine explosion in West Virginia and that people died. The only reason I know now is because CNN happened to be on. So I'm making a pact to become a more informed person with a broader world view. Stay tuned. (Or don't. I don't really care).

stuck in a rut

Today Lauren finally moved from the hospital to a rehab place nearby. I went to visit her in the new place and it was soooooo strange. Her roommate had a stroke or something (he's old - like 80s or something) and just seems like an invalid and I sort of feel like he would have been better off if the stroke (?) just killed him off. I mean, who wants to live like that? Even if he recovers, what kind of life could he possibly have?

Lauren seems excited-ish about leaving the hospital. She's still on anti-seizure meds, which she says make her sick and I was also sitting with her last night when she told the nurse that she was nauseous because she hadn't taken her depression medication and that's what happens when she doesn't take them on time. I didn't even know she was on depression meds - fmylife.com. Some friend.

I'll try to get an attitude adjustment before next time, I swear.

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At the dark end of this bar What a beautiful wreck you are

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