I am one of those people who always makes up scenarios in my head of things that will never happen. In some of these scenarios I imagine my funeral. I wonder who would come. I wonder if my brothers and sisters would stand there silently making amends for all the times that they were nasty to me (sitting grounded in your room for 10+ hours a day really messes with your head, because I'm positive that would never happen). My aunts and uncles would be there, and my cousins. My older brother might even drag his ass home from wherever in the world he's kicking it and come to say goodbye. His wife would be there, and Lauren. Maybe Carter would be there and think about the girl who he never had. I can blog-dream I guess, right?

All the kids from the gymnastics center would be there. They might shake their heads and say "that Payson was something", and want to cry, but they wouldn't. My obituary would be in the back page with the others, and I would want the song "When I Look to the Sky" by train to somehow be a part of it because I've always thought of that as a fitting funeral song. I always imagine that I would be buried in the same cemetery as my grandpa, but that doesn't make any sense since that was in Chicago. And I imagine how the seasons would pass, and that as they did, I would rise and fall in everyone's mind like a tide.